It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
