Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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