Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
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I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
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Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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