from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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