how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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