I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
