So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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