I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
