I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
