my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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