i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
