I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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