Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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