just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
