im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If I die, sorry about rent.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
