I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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