Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
