Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
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still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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