i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
