I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
