meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
