dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
