When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
