My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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