Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
