Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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