i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
