the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
