i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
