WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
