even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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