i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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