I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
