So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
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Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
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On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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