i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
