Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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