i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
