if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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