I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
