sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My vagina is officially offended.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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