I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
