Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
