Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
