We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
