I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
