Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
