a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize