So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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