this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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