I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
