My friends, they love my intelligence
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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