Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
