woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
