What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
