why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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