I wish life had little blips of pornography
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The struggles of a small town man whore
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
not ubering you a puppy
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
