it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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