There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
