i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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