So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
