oh god the rape fog is back!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
